Day 49: Rap

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Your Task: Make up a rap song.

What better place to find help on how to rap than Los Angeles? Everybody is a rapper here. And a singer/actor/artist/designer. When you’re feeling kind of low all you have to know is how to write a flow. Open your trap and rap until someone starts to clap because they love it so much they want to reach out and touch your magical words. Words that soar like herds of birds and reaches the ears of many peers to drive out their fears and bring out their tears and cheers for years.

The hardest thing about rapping for me was trying to think of words that rhyme on the spot. I couldn’t cheat with a rhyming dictionary or several minutes to think. Writing a rap is the same as writing a poem with rhythm.

This is what i came up with:

o-o-o-omg
let me tell you about me
my favorite show is glee
i love to jet ski, on the sea
while drinking tea
i’m bad as can be
you wish you was me
my life is fun
i travel, i’m on the run
my words will stun
like a midnight sun
you can have the mic, i’m done

Tips for Beginning Life Changers:

1. Choose a topic that will inspire you.

2. Rap to a beat or copy the style of your favorite rapper.

3. Make it rhyme and don’t repeat words.

4. Be confident! (Even if you have to fake it for now)

So be a puppeteer and a pioneer to racketeer volunteers to rap so that someone else overhears.

Day 48: Call KKK

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Your Task: Call the KKK repeatedly and jam the phone line.

A KKK member ran free for 43 years after killing people and recently died (again), because he was old, after being in jail for only a couple of years. The KKK has been around way too long killing people. More than 120 murders remain unpunished according to the FBI.

It’s time to do my part. It’s probably not a good idea for me to visit their headquarters in Arkansas. They consider themselves to be a business and are easily contacted.

Tips for beginning life changers:

THIS is detailed contact information for the KKK.

1. Think of something to say in case they answer.

2. Keep calling and calling so that no else can call.

3. If you are uncomfortable with calling, send an e-mail or a letter with snail-mail.

Help a few people out. One third of the peoples lives you will be saving are from Mississippi. Another option is to do something more creative than simply contacting them. Ideas?…

Day 47: No TV

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Your Task: Don’t watch TV for two whole days.

Stop getting hand sweat all over your remote. Give it a break and occupy your time with something other than a glowing screen. TV can be like cocaine. Once you get a taste you’ll want some more and you can’t stop going back. Sometimes you’ll even put your life on hold for TV. You would probably steal a TV from your own mother before you missed an episode of your favorite show.

What did people do before TV was invented? I suppose they whittled tree branches, drank tea and twiddled their thumbs on the porch. I chose activities that were free. I walked to the mailbox, played cards, skipped up and down the street, read a good book, jumped rope and exercised. I also caressed my TV and ventured out into the world for some scenery.

Tips for Beginning Life Changers:

1.Go to the park and birdwatch.

2. Play games like croquet.

3. Stare at the clouds and guess their shapes.

4. Brighten someones day by whistling a tune.

5. Wrestle someone to the ground.

Of course these suggestions and the things that I did are only a few of the options you have. You could also try some other awesome tasks from alwaysjadeslife. Welcome to TV rehab. You’ll be a better person once it’s over. It doesn’t hurt that bad.

 

Day 46: Get Noticed

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Your Task: Make people notice you today.

I wanted to talk on my phone really loud in church or in the library, but I’ll have to save that for another task. I settled for wearing a Toy Story cowboy hat, a Darth Vader mask, talking with accents, reading upside down and holding a sign (Wile E. Coyote style) that said ‘Notice Me’.

Strangers in Kansas City tend to stare more than strangers in other bigger cities. There are so many crazy people in Los Angeles that normal is the new crazy.  So KC was the perfect place for this task. Being constantly stared at is like wearing glasses. It’s kind of weird at first but you eventually get used to it and you don’t even notice it anymore.

Tips for beginning life changers:

1. Decide on a method or methods. Some Benrik suggestions: Keep one eye shut all day, talk crap non-stop, wear a crown, colorful clothes or a big top-hat. Glue a spatula to your arm, walk sideways like a crab or carry a midget under your arm.

2. Stare back.

3. Revel in your awesomeness.

Disfigured and handicapped people get stared at everyday. So do famous people. This task is like a glimpse of what it’s like for every person that walks by to notice you. Get out there and get remembered.

Day 45: Detox

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Your Task: Get rid of some of the poisons in your body today.

I didn’t get to eat anything! It was so terrible. I really missed chewing. The purpose of today’s task is to expel some of the toxins that have been building up inside my body. Getting rid of some of the food additives and preservatives that I’ve been carrying around is supposed to help me live a few minutes longer. Plus, now that some of that stuff is gone I can start putting some new crap in my body. Yummy.

For my day of fasting I went on a liquid diet. Lots and lots of water or water based drinks. I really wanted a smoothie but I decided that that would be cheating since it’s just pureed food. Not eating has a lot of side effects. I was cranky, tired, weak, headachy and hungry. I think that I could feel my metabolism slowing down and my muscles eating away at my fat tissue.

Tips for beginning life changers:

1. Take the day off of work.

2. Avoid people who will be easily offended by your insults.

3. Stock up on water, lemons, tea and the like.

4. Ignore your stomach eating away at itself and resist the urge to eat.

5. Rejoice for adding several minutes onto your life span and possibly cleansing your blood and stuff.

There are many different types of liquid diets out there. You can choose one or just make up your own. Food is pretty much a drug and the detox is almost as fierce. Get yourself mentally prepared and quit cold turkey.

Day 44: Cheese Nightmares

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Your Task: Eat as much cheese as you can before bed and record your nightmares.

I ate a bunch of delicious brie last night before going to sleep. It was pretty tasty. However, it’s pretty heavy and just kind of sat in stomach and didn’t digest. That means that I wasn’t starving when I woke up this morning.

My nightmare was so awesome! The full story is in the video. It involved technology from the future, a dead chicken, Sweden, space and human/jellyfish experiments. Oh, and men having babies. That part was especially great.

Tips for beginning life changers:

1.Choose a cheese that you will enjoy eating.

2. Just bite right into it and eat as much as you can stand.

3. Be ready to record your nightmare with a pen and paper next to your bed.

Some nightmare ideas: Vampires, demons, zombies, castration, falling, the devil, dying people.

You could have a cheese eating slumber party! That way when people start waking up in the middle of the night terrified they’ll have some friends to comfort them. Now go buy some Gorgonzola and get started.

Day 43: Find Aliens

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Your Task: Recognize the aliens among us.

Everyone knows that aliens are here already. I’m pretty sure that some of family members are aliens. I wish I knew why they were here. Are they jealous of Earth’s awesometasticness? Are they plotting against us? I don’t know, but I prefer to stay positive and assume that they just really like the food or something.

Maybe the coming 2012 conspiracy is a cover-up. We may believe it has something to do with the planets aligning, but really the aliens are going to kill the humans that day and just blame the 2012 conspiracy. I guess we’ll find out next December.

Today, you should learn how to spot them. Point at them and scream. Or laugh. Then maybe run.

Tips for beginning life changers:

1. Aliens are everywhere so location is not entirely important. However, some places like the bus, subway stations and Wal-mart will have more aliens.

2. Look for people with dead eyes, closed mouth (aliens use telepathy, they don’t talk), ears oozing green goo and flaring nostrils (they transport through nostrils).

3. When you find an alien stop thinking about it because they can read your thoughts. Think of the beach, kill the alien and tell the police.

I know that you are fascinated, even if it’s in a sort of terrifying way, by extraterrestrial beings. Why else would there be so many books and movies about them? Benrik and I could be wrong about aliens living amongst us, but what if we’re right! It’s worth knowing. So start looking for aliens, the practice will come in handy.

Day 42: Aquatic Life

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Your Task: Live in the water for the day.

Do all of your normal activities under water today. Well, at least all of things required to live. Connect with your inner fish. Things required to live: Sleep, food, beverages, music and the phone.

Being in the water feels great. It’s relaxing and make people happy. Floating must be pretty close to flying. How often do we get to experience near weightlessness?

You can’t watch TV in the water but you can listen to music. If you have music you have to have dancing. If I hadn’t been too afraid to keep using my phone in the pool I would’ve called some people for a live/dance in the water party!

Tips for Beginning Life Changers:

1: Decide whether you want to wear clothes (more realistic) or a swimsuit. I couldn’t decide so I chose both.

2. Take the necessities with you: food, phone, music, pillow, etc…

3. Be prepared to get wrinkly. You can see what you’ll look like when you’re older.

If you can’t swim, stay in the shallow end. I will not be responsible for your drowning death. I do know CPR though. You have the chance to be dolphin-like but without the ability to leap beautifully out of the water. So be beautiful!

Day 41: I Can’t Hear You

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Your Task: Go through today without using your sense of hearing.

The day wasn’t all bad. If Beethoven can compose music without hearing it then I can live one day as a deaf person. There are some ups and downs to living without this sense though.

Pros:

1. I didn’t have to answer the phone at work.

2. Crazy screaming kids were much less irritating.

3. I completely ignored loud obnoxious conversations people had.

Cons:

1. I may get fired since a big part of this job is answering the phone.

2. I couldn’t listen to the radio so I had to listen to my thoughts.

3. Watching TV sucks and so does the closed captioning.

Tips for Beginning Life Changers:

1. If you don’t have ear plugs, use cotton balls. At least you won’t be able to hear people laughing at you.

2. Prepare for this task with other things to do aside from activities that make noise (music, movies, bingo, etc.)

3. Sharpen your sense of sight so that you’ll notice if a kid breaks his leg or something since you won’t hear him screaming.

Yes, your sense of hearing is a pretty crucial sense, if only for safety reasons. This task will make you appreciate those beautiful working ears. Go get those cotton balls and give yourself a chance to thank yourself for something that you take for granted.

Day 40: Read Between the Lines

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Your Task: Read between the lines as people talk to you.

You can hear the words that are coming from someones mouth, but do you really know what they’re saying? Sometimes you can tell that they mean something different from what they’re saying by the expression on their face or their body-language. Other times, you just have to guess what they really mean. This is exactly what I did.

While enjoying Taco Tuesday at a local Kansas City restaurant, I had an interesting conversation with a friend. Though he seemed to be making conversation I knew what he was really saying. Questions like, “How is work” and “How are you?” turned out to be quite negative. What he really meant was “Still unemployed?” and “Who are you?”. I was shocked and appalled by this attitude.

Tips for Beginning Life Changers:

1. Depending on how you’re feeling you may want to choose someone you know or choose a stranger.

2. I suggest reading between the lines of every conversation you have today. You’ll be a professional reader between the lineser person.

3. Ignore the look of disbelief on people’s faces and read deeper into their body-language. Don’t get discouraged when people walk away from you confused.

Some phrases to get you started:

Hi! = Crap!

Long time no see = Where do I know you from?

How’s, you know, whatitsname? = What’s your name again?

See you soon! = Drop dead!

When you’re asking yourself, “Self, why should I do today’s task?” just ask yourself “Why not?”. Have some fun at someone elses expense. A friend told me that you shouldn’t write on the lines so reading between them is a good idea.